The Sin of Micro-kinis

As I review again the events of this past weekend I feel compelled to share my pain.

First a series of questions my friends:

1. Why is it wrong to wear a bikini to the beach?

2. How does being thin and wearing a bikini instantly qualify one as a bitch?

and finally..

3. Is... "UH... nice suit" really a pick up line?? wtf!

So here it is in a nutshell. I went to the beach with some friends this weekend. I was prepared to have a fantabulous time.. it was a beautiful day, 98 degrees, sunny... yadda yadda yadda. BUT..... when i stripped down to my bikini the entire friggin day took on new meaning! Admittedly it's small - but everything's covered..er sort of......

I have to say, I'm a little more than pissed with the bloated, bitchy cellulite queens that LOVE to criticize people like me. Apparently having a nice body qualifies you as: disgusting, slut, bitch and nasty...among other colorful word vomit. Since when was taking care of your body a sin? Good God NO - Let us all go on a two week Sally Struthers twinkie binge and pop the elastic in our 2X Kathy Ireland Kmart underpanties! COOOME ON LADIES! You're sick of people like me? Well I despise people like you.

As if that weren't bad enough I have Mr. 'English Wasn't My Best Subject' standing, blocking my damn sun and offering to rub sun lotion on me. Get the hell out of my sun and use those meaty paws to rub something useful...... just don't do it in public!

I've come to the conclusion that bikinis bring out the worst in everyone. The women, porky little harpies, hate me. The men, drooling illiterate oafs, want me. And me... well, how would you feel? Did I do anything to deserve this? HELL NO I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE IT!

Blah.... I hate you all
(well, with the exception of a few fabulous friends)

::smooches::
Mara