THE ALL SEEING IDIOT

Good Morning Friends! Last night the wind woke me up (damn... it was blowin like a $2.00 hooker workin for a tip!) Anyway, it woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to pop on the internet for a little bit and see if I could manage to get my eyes tired.

Checked the blog and several others. Wrote an email to my Mom about Thanksgiving. Replied to several emails... just a bunch of random junk. Still bored and not the least bit tired I decided to check out what kind of chat rooms were open at 3:00 a.m.

Have any of you bloggers ever done the 'chatroom' thingie?? hmmm... ok here we go: Bipolar & More, GothsnVamps, TAMEABRAT, Pregnant and Happy, and on and on they went. Spying 'Advice Given & Taken', I decided to drop in and see why 17 people were swapping advice at 3:00 in the morning. Upon entering I was greeted with 17 seperate 'hello's'... ok.. that was friendly. Well anyway, the various conversations fell back into play after a couple of minutes and everybody was giving and taking, fairly good, advice on any number of topics... pretty tame. And then IT entered the room. Also greeted by 17, now 18 'hellos'. In turn IT addressed the room with something to the effect of ... "I'm the all seeing, all knowing ________" For the time being we'll just call him 'dumbass'. Well Dumbass proceded to say that he had been called to this room in particular from cyber worlds beyond to solve all our woes and give us glimpses into the future. Oooooohh puuuhleease!!! But being a champ I thought... ok.. this should be fun. So I asked 'Dumbass' what was in store for my future. This is ACTUALLY what he did..

::drawing energy:: ::concentrating::

I damn near died. Then he began to expound on my 'reading'. My repressed nature will hinder me further on in life, I enjoy the peace and quiet of a solitary life and will probably never marry. He also saw that I would ... die at sea!

Sitting in the aftermath of those astonishing revelations I was at a loss for words... ME, AT A LOSS FOR WORDS!!! Do you know how hard that is to do. But I just couldn't believe this ignorant little worm would spew his nonsensical word vomit as it if were the biblical truth to an ENTIRE group of strangers.

Well I thanked him for the um...... helpful info and then gave the room my blogsite link where I said I would 'meditate' on the happenings of the evening and respond in kind if anyone would wish to read.... so to the SWAMI in the chatroom ADVICE GIVEN & TAKEN lastnight... from the Nymph... here you go:

Dear Swami Dumbass,

What possessed you to think that you were capable of being entertaining or interesting? You have the warm personal charm of a millipede and about as much class as a bucket of mucous lodged on top of a dumpster in a Blue Light district of New Jersey. Maybe you wouldn't be such a Jerk-In-The-Box if that pimple on your ass hadn't turned out to be a brain tumor, if you weren't so fat that your cereal bowl has its own lifeguard, or if you didn't have a face that makes your dentist treat you by mail-order.

Clearly, you have lost your fingertip grip on reality and have descended into an abyss of irreversible lunacy. If you're going to say something that ignorant, you could at least fake a stroke. Oh well, at least you only charge what your free advice is worth. As Ellen Glasgow once remarked: "He knows so little and knows it so fluently." If you weren't intellectually slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through a vat of chunky peanut butter, maybe you wouldn't come across as such a jellyfish-sucking mental midget.


At any rate, thank you. We were all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. Now get the hell out of here!

::smooches::

Mara