Mara's Mindless Babble
DAMN ASS FRIGGIN PHOBIAS!
Ok... so my friend buffledog babe said that I should blog about my flippin 'touchy feely' phobia.
Apparently Buffledog Babe hasn't been sleeping all that well lately and decided to subject himself to some torture...er... a uh sleep study.
Yeah - Mara's had a friggin sleep study - talk about a TOTAL FAILURE!!! Word to the wise... sleep studies are not for those with touch phobias or those with any sort of social phobias (ie: phobias of being watched)
First of all I can't STAND strangers touching me. It's creepy. I have to know someone on SOME level before I can even attempt to ALLOW them to touch me. Secondly, I hate the feeling that I'm being watched. If I'm being watched I better be able to friggin see the rat bastard that's watching me. I HATE being watched unaware.... and the whole knowing that I'm being watched just not being able to see what pox-marked-jackoff is watching me is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE AND DISTURBING.
On that note, I also don't like to be alone at night in a room with a strange man that I don't know.... apparently men like the night shift at the Ann Arbor area sleep study facility because when I asked for a woman nurse you would have thought I had asked for the god damned WORLD!
"No Miss Mara, there is not a female on staff that can assist you..... blah blah blah blah..."
Yeah right asshole. Save your breath. You'll need it for your blow up date you got back there!
So ANYWAY....
I threw a big enough fit that they found a female nurse to hook me up to everything. I'm sitting in the bed staring at the walls as the paranoia closes in around me. Then the VOICE FROM BEYOND (aka - jackoff in the back) came over an INTERCOM!!! And this guy tells me to try and relax... Relax? FUGGIN RELAX!!!!! How does he know that I'm not perfectly relaxed unless he can TOTALLY SEE ME IN LIVING COLOR UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL.
So I start looking for the cameras.... I'm really paranoid at this point.... starting to hyperventilate.... feeling dizzy... oh yeah the works.
A nurse (male of course) knocks on the door and comes in to check the monitors stating that they are getting some irregular heart activity... well no friggin shit you waterhead suck navel!! I'm paranoid as hell here with you and your little numb-nut friend back there watching me. I could give a devil's fart that your damn machines are giving you wacky readings!!!
So this dude looks at me and SUGGESTS that I may want to get a little more comfortable and try to get some sleep...
oh yeah... more comfortable... pervert.
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable asshole - like a COMA!
THEN... IF IT WASN'T ALREADY ENOUGH OF A TRAGEDY..... I HAVE TO PEE!
Now understand...... I don't pee in front of ANYONE. I even make sure there is nobody in the adjoining room before I go potty.
So, IMAGINE MY HORROR... when I have to go to the bathroom and I know that all eyes are ON ME. I damn near had a friggin heart attack.
They finally ended up calling my emergency contact, Tango, to come and get me. He just shook his head and smiled. He knew I'd never be able to go through with it.
His remedy for my sleepless nights??? More sex. LOL.... oddly enough.... it works.
::smooches::
Mara
Ok... so my friend buffledog babe said that I should blog about my flippin 'touchy feely' phobia.
Apparently Buffledog Babe hasn't been sleeping all that well lately and decided to subject himself to some torture...er... a uh sleep study.
Yeah - Mara's had a friggin sleep study - talk about a TOTAL FAILURE!!! Word to the wise... sleep studies are not for those with touch phobias or those with any sort of social phobias (ie: phobias of being watched)
First of all I can't STAND strangers touching me. It's creepy. I have to know someone on SOME level before I can even attempt to ALLOW them to touch me. Secondly, I hate the feeling that I'm being watched. If I'm being watched I better be able to friggin see the rat bastard that's watching me. I HATE being watched unaware.... and the whole knowing that I'm being watched just not being able to see what pox-marked-jackoff is watching me is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE AND DISTURBING.
On that note, I also don't like to be alone at night in a room with a strange man that I don't know.... apparently men like the night shift at the Ann Arbor area sleep study facility because when I asked for a woman nurse you would have thought I had asked for the god damned WORLD!
"No Miss Mara, there is not a female on staff that can assist you..... blah blah blah blah..."
Yeah right asshole. Save your breath. You'll need it for your blow up date you got back there!
So ANYWAY....
I threw a big enough fit that they found a female nurse to hook me up to everything. I'm sitting in the bed staring at the walls as the paranoia closes in around me. Then the VOICE FROM BEYOND (aka - jackoff in the back) came over an INTERCOM!!! And this guy tells me to try and relax... Relax? FUGGIN RELAX!!!!! How does he know that I'm not perfectly relaxed unless he can TOTALLY SEE ME IN LIVING COLOR UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL.
So I start looking for the cameras.... I'm really paranoid at this point.... starting to hyperventilate.... feeling dizzy... oh yeah the works.
A nurse (male of course) knocks on the door and comes in to check the monitors stating that they are getting some irregular heart activity... well no friggin shit you waterhead suck navel!! I'm paranoid as hell here with you and your little numb-nut friend back there watching me. I could give a devil's fart that your damn machines are giving you wacky readings!!!
So this dude looks at me and SUGGESTS that I may want to get a little more comfortable and try to get some sleep...
oh yeah... more comfortable... pervert.
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable asshole - like a COMA!
THEN... IF IT WASN'T ALREADY ENOUGH OF A TRAGEDY..... I HAVE TO PEE!
Now understand...... I don't pee in front of ANYONE. I even make sure there is nobody in the adjoining room before I go potty.
So, IMAGINE MY HORROR... when I have to go to the bathroom and I know that all eyes are ON ME. I damn near had a friggin heart attack.
They finally ended up calling my emergency contact, Tango, to come and get me. He just shook his head and smiled. He knew I'd never be able to go through with it.
His remedy for my sleepless nights??? More sex. LOL.... oddly enough.... it works.
::smooches::
Mara
posted by Mara @ 1:40 PM
14 Comments:
At 5:39 PM,
Anonymous said…
ROTFLMFAO!!!!!! With you babe - with you! *gah! I can't type for laughing* I so understand everything - the "have to pee" part was the worst and I so didn't want to push that call button, because they have to unhook you from the interface and you get to waddle into the john - a wired penguin - lovely! Classic entertainment! So....you didn't think too highly of you sleep techs I gather??? Bwahahahaha! I think Tango's got the right idea! :)
At 5:24 AM,
bricotrout said…
AHA HA HA HA HA HA! where do you come up with these names? i just doubled my vocabulary in 2 short minutes. thanks. and i have often wondered about how someone would relax in that situation. i guess they dont.
am i pox marked? i better check. i need to relax now.
At 9:22 AM,
Aisha T. said…
Mara *shaking head* it is so good to see you back and writing. This was priceless. I wake up in the middle of the nite and THINK someone is watching me--I have a freak out hyperventilating session turn on all the lights and try to get my heart rate back to normal.
I need to clue in my guy to the more sex thing. Wait, I usually wake him up when I can't sleep anyway.
At 12:29 PM,
Natalia said…
Sex does it for me :)
-N
At 2:09 PM,
Dave Morris said…
More sex always works for me. Unfortunately, I haven't been sleeping very well lately, if that tells you anything!
:(
Hope you get to the bottom of your sleep issues soon!
At 2:25 PM,
A Bronx Tale said…
some bashful bladder do we. but yeah i have the same problem.
about the staring thing, that's just freaky and weird.
that guy would have weired me out for sure and i'm surprised you ddn't hit him. maybe he would have then realized for sure.
but in the end you were cured and happy.
At 2:25 PM,
A Bronx Tale said…
some bashful bladder do we. but yeah i have the same problem.
about the staring thing, that's just freaky and weird.
that guy would have weired me out for sure and i'm surprised you ddn't hit him. maybe he would have then realized for sure.
but in the end you were cured and happy.
At 6:01 PM,
Grimstarr said…
I have a terrile time getting to sleep and sleeping a whole night through. The funny thing is I have fallen asleep in a tank bouncing across rough terrain at full speed ... right next to the engine block. Maybe it was the sex I had right before ... Hmmm, have to consider that.
TG
At 6:40 PM,
SCH said…
Sounds like you have some "issues"!! :)
BTW, what is that behind you on the table? Every time I check up on you I see something strange back there...
hehehe!!!
A redneck retirement plan is also known as the Lottery.
Make a nice day beautiful!
At 10:16 AM,
Anonymous said…
omg who the hell can sleep knowing damn good and well they are being watched???? not me!!!
At 11:20 PM,
Doll Face said…
Hilarious!
At 10:43 AM,
EXSENO said…
Well good for him, he fixed the problem. See you didn't need to go there after all. lol
At 2:41 PM,
wopanese said…
damn... I remember having to do a sleep study. Had so many wires plugged into me, I felt completely like a lab rat.
And of course, they said "RELAX".
Yeah, right. And I'm not so phobic about people... so I can imagine how rough it was on you.
Definitely, the sex thing? Good sex is great for all sorts of things that ail ya.
At 8:27 AM,
Anonymous said…
What????? Too much sex and now you're sleeping for weeks??? :P
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