Mara's Mindless Babble
UNFORESEEN SPEEDBUMPS
Ok, so here's the story.....
I'm driving down my friggin DIRT ROAD, in the FOG, minding my own GOD DAMN business when I see movement to my left....... it's large, ghostly, and coming at a pretty good clip.
Slowing down to a stop so as not to spook a sweet little deer or other BEAUTIFUL CREATURE OF NATURE.... I damn near come to a stop as I get a good look at it.....
Any guesses? ANY THOUGHTS AS TO WHAT IT WAS????
A BICYCLIST.... A Fecking helmet headed, spandex sporting, nutcup wearing BICYCLIST.
The friggin idiot was bicycling down a dirt road, in the fog, wearing silver/gray and white biker shorts, shirt and a helmet. I was so friggin mad.
You see, I'm assaulted daily by these damn blights to society, peddling at 10-15 miles an hour, 3 across on 4 of the semi-rural roads I drive to get home. Mind you the speed limit for vehicles is 50 freakin miles per hour!!!!! I cannot even count the number of times I wished I had a pickle jar to hurl out the friggin window into one of their spokes and watch them fall like dominos......and I cannot tell you the satisfaction I get out of witnessing a cleverly executed swerve and the large dust cloud that results!
And trust me..... I am REAL sorry if some of you sweeties are avid bicycle enthusiasts - BUT - a line has to be drawn somewhere. As far as I'm concerned, bicyclists belong in metroparks. If it doesn't have a motor - it shouldn't be on the road. MOREOVER.... if you are going to bicycle your little butt on the road the speed limit should apply to ALL vehicles. Yeah hah hah BUDDY.... if your little legs can't pump that Huffy up to 50 mph..... you should be cited a traffic violation for impeding traffic. Why the FUCK not! Cars are!!! If a motorist is going 25 mph in a 50 mph zone the police are required to cite that motorist with a violation for impeding traffic..... however, if a row of bicyclists or even a SINGLE bicyclist is going 10 miles an hour, uphill, on a 50 mph road and holding up a line of 8-12 cars he DOESN'T get a ticket... Yeah - THAT'S BULLSHIT!
Blah....it makes my blood boil. And every now and then I'll give the horn a good old honk.... yup... and inevitably I'm flipped off. Tellin you what... when that happens I want to jump out the window, tackle the little bastard and take his friggin flip-off finger as a prize!
I don't get it.... what's the draw??? Is it the feeling of power they get knowing that EVERYONE has to wait for THEM??? That THEY'RE the leader of the pack??? Truly, it's nothing that a Polo mallet and a little Prozac probably couldn't fix. ::sigh::
Anyway, I'm here to tell them now. Stay away from my house, stay away from my road, and stay away from my car...............................especially on the 28th day of the month.
********
For all my friends that ride bikes - yeah, I still love ya.... but your bike tires might be flat tomorrow ::wink::
::smooches::
Mara
Ok, so here's the story.....
I'm driving down my friggin DIRT ROAD, in the FOG, minding my own GOD DAMN business when I see movement to my left....... it's large, ghostly, and coming at a pretty good clip.
Slowing down to a stop so as not to spook a sweet little deer or other BEAUTIFUL CREATURE OF NATURE.... I damn near come to a stop as I get a good look at it.....
Any guesses? ANY THOUGHTS AS TO WHAT IT WAS????
A BICYCLIST.... A Fecking helmet headed, spandex sporting, nutcup wearing BICYCLIST.
The friggin idiot was bicycling down a dirt road, in the fog, wearing silver/gray and white biker shorts, shirt and a helmet. I was so friggin mad.
You see, I'm assaulted daily by these damn blights to society, peddling at 10-15 miles an hour, 3 across on 4 of the semi-rural roads I drive to get home. Mind you the speed limit for vehicles is 50 freakin miles per hour!!!!! I cannot even count the number of times I wished I had a pickle jar to hurl out the friggin window into one of their spokes and watch them fall like dominos......and I cannot tell you the satisfaction I get out of witnessing a cleverly executed swerve and the large dust cloud that results!
And trust me..... I am REAL sorry if some of you sweeties are avid bicycle enthusiasts - BUT - a line has to be drawn somewhere. As far as I'm concerned, bicyclists belong in metroparks. If it doesn't have a motor - it shouldn't be on the road. MOREOVER.... if you are going to bicycle your little butt on the road the speed limit should apply to ALL vehicles. Yeah hah hah BUDDY.... if your little legs can't pump that Huffy up to 50 mph..... you should be cited a traffic violation for impeding traffic. Why the FUCK not! Cars are!!! If a motorist is going 25 mph in a 50 mph zone the police are required to cite that motorist with a violation for impeding traffic..... however, if a row of bicyclists or even a SINGLE bicyclist is going 10 miles an hour, uphill, on a 50 mph road and holding up a line of 8-12 cars he DOESN'T get a ticket... Yeah - THAT'S BULLSHIT!
Blah....it makes my blood boil. And every now and then I'll give the horn a good old honk.... yup... and inevitably I'm flipped off. Tellin you what... when that happens I want to jump out the window, tackle the little bastard and take his friggin flip-off finger as a prize!
I don't get it.... what's the draw??? Is it the feeling of power they get knowing that EVERYONE has to wait for THEM??? That THEY'RE the leader of the pack??? Truly, it's nothing that a Polo mallet and a little Prozac probably couldn't fix. ::sigh::
Anyway, I'm here to tell them now. Stay away from my house, stay away from my road, and stay away from my car...............................especially on the 28th day of the month.
********
For all my friends that ride bikes - yeah, I still love ya.... but your bike tires might be flat tomorrow ::wink::
::smooches::
Mara
posted by Mara @ 11:03 AM
12 Comments:
At 7:34 AM,
EXSENO said…
Here's you answer right in front of you. " speed limit for vehicles is 50 freakin miles per hour"
They're not a vehicle, so they should by law either recieve a ticket for holding up traffic or they shouldn't be allowed on that road. Check with the local police to find out why it's not inforcing the law.
At 10:21 AM,
Anonymous said…
I see that bikes have their place but I think that the communities should accommodate both them and the motorized vehicles and provide bike paths and bike lanes on the arterials - works here in Seattle and in many other communities as well. It pisses me off to no end when they are arrogant and ride 2 or more abreast - then I want to bump 'em into next year.
At 8:52 PM,
nitewalk6 said…
Agree Agree Agree, I ride my bike residentially only! Those that ride two abreast anywhere deserve to be run off the road. We have designated "bike lanes" on some streets and with more folks riding instead of driving they MUST have respect for our 3500 pound vehicles that pay for those roads. The DORK that you coulda killed probably deserved to have his "enhanced" balls crushed. AND I don't need to see his "manline" in his spandex riding shorts.
At 10:44 PM,
Dave Morris said…
I agree.
But... a pickle jar?!?
At 6:00 AM,
A Bronx Tale said…
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i used to cycle when i lived in Australia and my space was never respected.
i'm an avid runner and still have to be really careful with cars as some people just don't care.
mind you I don't agree with you, but some cyclists like that idiot you speak of should have a jar of pickles thrown at them.
its called SAFETY PEOPLE. WEAR BRIGHT COLOURS in the FOG and don't bike in unknown areas like the country in the FOG.
cheers babess
At 6:01 AM,
A Bronx Tale said…
now this is a stupid question.
but those pics of the wedding that's actually YOU right?
now how dumb is that.
At 9:32 AM,
Leigh said…
Pickel jar? I love that. Tripped over your blog. Thanks for the giggle.
Have a great day!
At 4:52 PM,
Anonymous said…
Kicking your tires again!!!!! ;)
At 7:35 AM,
Natalia said…
What gets me it's that they are such daredevils and they don't get that I am protected by steel and they are protected by their skin and bones.
Ick.
-N
At 8:00 PM,
Greg - Cowboy in the Jungle said…
Here in The Woodlands Texas we are in a community that was founded around the premis of having a "hike and bike" trail that goes to everything.
But...
The bikers like to use the street and people walk in the street bacause you can't get a tan walking under the trees on the path.
Some one needs to do something.
At 4:25 PM,
bricotrout said…
i am an avid cyclist but i only ride on trails. sharing the road with women behind the wheel of 2 thousand pound machines is scary as hell!
At 6:42 AM,
honkeie said…
I have gone through a line of these assholes. I was driving down a road and they had the stop sign, so that ment I had the right of way not them. I drove 25 mph(which was the posted limit) blowing my horn but never stopping. They stopped and even gave chase,,,,,I laughed for days about this. I was almost tempted to stop and drive in reverse towards them. They did out number me, but if you piled all of these Armstrong wantobes and their bikes on a scale they might have made it to 180lbs. These bikers are about as scary as Richard Simons in pink spandex.
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