My Sense of Humor is a Death Wish

Have you ever stopped to analyze an aspect of your personality and come to the realization that you yourself are one MESSED UP individual! Well, that is exactly what happened to me the other day with regard to my sick and sadistic sense of humor.

You must understand friends... I come from a LOOOOONG line of humorously twisted minds. For instance ~~~~~~~~~~~~~begins reminiscing~~~~~~~~~~~

One year when I was about 13 my grandfather, a notorious jokester, removed the hood ornament from my grandmothers chevy station wagon telling her it had been stolen. It was the middle of the winter and cold as hell outside. Grandpa went into his backroom and pulled a dead mouse out of one of the traps he had set (we lived in the country people - lots of mice). Grandpa then proceeded to freeze Mr. Mouse to the hood of Grammy's car. AS IF it weren't enough to have a mouse frozen to the hood of the car, Grandpa had put a little cocktail umbrella in it's paws and froze that there as well. He was so proud of that. Grammy was infuriated but sported Mr. Mouse on the hood of her car for a good 2 months... FRIGGIN PRICELESS PEOPLE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~reminiscing once again~~~~~~~~~

Moving onto another devious joking master mind in my family...... I will never forget the night before my father's vasectomy. The doctor had sent a list of things he would need to bring to the appointment, one of them was an athletic supporter. Dad had packed everything he was going to need into a little duffle bag and gone to bed to dream of um.... well I wouldn't wager a guess as to what his dreams were that night... I mean come on people, the man was gettin his boys snipped, that can't be too pleasant. And I would imagine the prelude of thoughts accompanying the actual event isn't a picnic either. Anyway, after Dad had gone to bed, my Mom um...... made sure everything was in order for the next day, she didn't want him to be ill prepared - she's awful sweet like that ::wicked little grin::

Well, Dad went in the next day and got his nads nipped. At the end of the procedure with the doctor and nurse in attendance dear old Dad was asked to produce the 'support' he would be wearing home. He reached into the box and pulled out......... a confection of pink frothy lace, sequins and little applique hearts. It seems that Mommy dearest had made a few um.... adjustments to said 'support'. This thing looked like something from a Las Vegas Drag Queen Reunion!!! Well the doctor and nurse both lost it and Dad, about ready to die, had to wear that exquisite little thing home....

LMAO.... good stuff people, good stuff.

Which brings me to this past weekend.... Christmas. Christmas morning had come and gone and Tango and I were pretty much both exhausted from all the activities and last minute shopping leading up to it. However, we had one more Christmas we had to go to, my parents.

I could see that Tango was exhausted... pathetic little purple shadows under his eyes, yawning every couple of seconds.. So, being the sweet pixie I am, I offered to drive. My parents live a good hour and a half away and it would give him a nice little nap before being thrown to the wolves ::waggles her eyebrows::

It took me about ten minutes to get to the highway during which Tango reclined his chair and made himself comfortable. 20 minutes into the trip Tango began to snore softly... awww.... poor tired little baby.

Now friends... you must understand, I have the attention span of a retarded fruit fly. I need to be entertained almost constantly or I will FIND SOMETHING to entertain me. I think that's why I can multi-task so well - need to keep my mind very active.

So, I begin humming to myself... which turns into tapping out a rhythm in sinc with Tango's little snores... bah dah dah dah..... Up in the distance I see a semi hauler (you know, a semi that hauls semi's) and begin to sing...

"Big Wheel keep on turnin... Proud Mary keep on Burnin and we're Rollin ..ROLLIN...Rollin...ROLLIN.... Rollin on a River...

Peeping over at Tango sleeping so contentedly I just couldn't help myself. Easing up behind the Semi hauler, getting as close as I possibly could, I matched his speed and set the cruise control. Now, if you've ever seen a semi hauler, you know that they haul the semi rigs backwards on them......::grin::

Placing both hands on the wheel and giving one last look at the darling sleeping Tango... I scream OH MY GOD!! And let out a shriek that would have made Satan stand up and shake.

Tango's eyes flew wide open and seeing what appears to be the grill of an 18 wheeler coming through our windshield head on.. lets out a scream to equal mine and throws both arms over his face and brings one knee up to his chest preparing for impact....

I.... just.... DIED!! It was so damn funny. Realizing that he hadn't been squashed and hearing my maniacal laughter he knew he'd been PUNKED! Do I need to say that he was just a tad less than enchanted with me?? In all sincerity, once the look of sheer heart-stopping terror had left his face, he kind of looked like he wanted to murder someone... um.. me? Seriously people, he didn't speak to me for TWO WHOLE DAYS.... do you know how bored I got... Damn!

So now I'm in the process of 'making it up to him'... blah blah blah... ::sigh:: I know it was mean.... BUT DAMN WAS IT FUNNY! ::slaps her leg::

::smooches::

Mara