Mara's Mindless Babble
JURY DUTY DRAMA
Well, I went to my mailbox the other day and there IT was. A friggin summons for Federal Court Jury Duty selection... WTF did I do to deserve that!!!!
Not only do I despise the thought of jury duty... I despise the prospect of going to the friggin court house, in friggin ghetto-east-detroit, and spending fun filled day after day after day after day.
I thought about just throwing it away and then read the fine print stating that if 'You do not return this form in 10 days we'll send our dogs out with an unholy vengeance to drag your ass personally into our office' ... serious.. that's what it said!!
So here I sit contemplating my options... I've had a few suggestions from friends and come up with a few of my own.. I'll list them and welcome any and all suggestions to get me out of this friggin bane to my existence.
1) Obtain a psychiatrists confirmation of mental instability (this actually wouldn't be all that hard ::laugh::)
2) During jury selection make sure to vocally consult with ALL my personalities before answering any questions.
3) Wear pigtails and smeared lipstick and practice my ADD skills.
4) Explain that due to my authentic Druid upbringing I only believe in trial by blood (that's friggin creepy as hell.. where the feck did that come from??)
5) Stage my own demise.
Well that's about it... as you can see I am in sore need of help here!!
::smooches::
Mara
Well, I went to my mailbox the other day and there IT was. A friggin summons for Federal Court Jury Duty selection... WTF did I do to deserve that!!!!
Not only do I despise the thought of jury duty... I despise the prospect of going to the friggin court house, in friggin ghetto-east-detroit, and spending fun filled day after day after day after day.
I thought about just throwing it away and then read the fine print stating that if 'You do not return this form in 10 days we'll send our dogs out with an unholy vengeance to drag your ass personally into our office' ... serious.. that's what it said!!
So here I sit contemplating my options... I've had a few suggestions from friends and come up with a few of my own.. I'll list them and welcome any and all suggestions to get me out of this friggin bane to my existence.
1) Obtain a psychiatrists confirmation of mental instability (this actually wouldn't be all that hard ::laugh::)
2) During jury selection make sure to vocally consult with ALL my personalities before answering any questions.
3) Wear pigtails and smeared lipstick and practice my ADD skills.
4) Explain that due to my authentic Druid upbringing I only believe in trial by blood (that's friggin creepy as hell.. where the feck did that come from??)
5) Stage my own demise.
Well that's about it... as you can see I am in sore need of help here!!
::smooches::
Mara
posted by Mara @ 9:26 AM
10 Comments:
At 9:59 AM,
Unknown said…
"Can we recommend the death penalty?" ... be sure to ask BEFORE they tell you the nature of the crime....
At 10:11 AM,
bricotrout said…
#4 doesnt work unless you stand up and draw blood from your wrist as youre saying it. and what with all the security and metal detectors these days thats pretty hard to accomplish. as homer simpson says "the trick is to say that youre prejudiced against ALL the races"
At 11:46 AM,
Mara said…
NICE SPENCER!! friggin get me even more paranoid...
in all honesty people... I wouldn't be able to do anything with rape, murder, violence, men, drugs, children...
nope... it's called PTSD.. ::grin:: I think I've found my way out.. now all I need is the doctors signature...
someone find me a doctor to seduce!
At 11:56 AM,
Anonymous said…
We should have in my country. Sound like fun.
At 12:36 PM,
Aisha T. said…
Hmmm...normal situations call for flirting with the problem. But, the judge might end up sequestering the jury and dragging out the trial.
At 1:24 PM,
Memphis said…
I think everything except number 5 will get you on most any jury for sure. The less intelligent and/or stable you seem to be the beter they like you.
At 3:51 PM,
Rik Young said…
Enjoy the day.
At 3:52 PM,
Rik Young said…
Enjoy the day. It's not about Justice. It's Theatre.
At 4:33 PM,
doobrie said…
Volunteer as a firefighter. That worked for me. Well.....Sort of. Now I have to risk life and limb putting out huge fires at a moment's notice any time of the night. *sigh*
Check here for useful Jury Duty 101 stuff anyway:
http://www.pagerealm.com/jury/
At 7:39 PM,
Troubador said…
Last time I get selected for Jury duty , I was the freaking ALTERNATE, which meant that I had to sit there and listen to lawyers for two days, and then go home without even getting to put my two cents in!
Post a Comment
<< Home