WANTED: 1 HANDYMAN FOR VARIOUS...ER.... TASKS. PLEASE APPLY BELOW.

Application For Employment


Prospective employees shall be afforded equal opportunity. However making a slight donation
of $50.00 to the receptionist will improve the chances of your completed application making it
to the H.R. Dept.

All information that you release in this application will probably be viewed by the receptionist, her boyfriend, the cleaning lady, our telephone repairman, the pizza delivery boy, and potentially anyone who walks by the desk your application is laying on.

1. Position Applied For: ___ Handyman Eye Candy ___ Handyman Masseur ___ Handyman Cook & Bottlewasher ___ Handyman Groundskeeper ___ (all of the above)

2. Are you a Brown-Noser? ___ Yes ___ No

3. Can you pass a lie detector test? ___Yes ___ No
( If you answered 2 out of 3 questions with a yes please proceed to fill out the rest of the application. If you answered no to any of the above
questions we are sorry to inform you that the position has already been filled. Please toss this application in the trash on your way out of the
building ).

Last Name: _____________________ Middle Initial: ____ First Name: _____________________

Social Security No. ____________________ Credit Card No. ____________________ Exp. ______

Bank Name: __________________________ Acct. No. ___________________________________

Mailing Address: ________________________________________________________________

(Must be the same as your billing address for credit card).

Have you ever been admitted to a mental institution? ____ Yes ___ No

If yes, why did you want to leave there and apply for work here? _______________________________________________________

Have you ever been convicted of a felony? ____ Yes ___ No
( If yes, what the hell are you still doing filling out this application? See above question no. 3 )

Are you married? ___ Yes ___ No

Date of birth: ___________________________

Favorite Drink: _________________________

Horoscope Sign: ________________________

Home Phone: ___________________________

Email Address: ________________________

Do you own your home? ___ Yes ___ No

Favorite Bar: ___________________________

Favorite Color: _________________________

Car Make/Color: ________________________

Cell Phone: ____________________________

Chat Handle: _________________________

Please list any emotional hang-ups that you have in the space below and include a list of meds that you take for this:

__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
I hereby attest and verify that the information I have provided in this application is absolutely false and misrepresented. I understand that any true information which may be deliberately provided by me may lead to disqualification.


Signature:______________________________ Date:_________________________