Mara's Workplace Rituals

Ways To Have Fun in the Workplace:

1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.

3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-Cha." "Get right on that, Code C."

3) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

4) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.

5) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Marge.

6) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

7) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

8) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.

9) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

10) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

11) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."

12) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

13) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "oh you've got to be faster than that.

14) Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

15) End every sentence with the words 'in accordance with prophecy'.

TGIF
::smooches::
Mara

Additions from Friends and Superheros

From Brother Esquire:

Make sure to ask for your religious holidays off. When asked what days those are, answer "any day that ends in - day"

If a piece of Office Equipment malfunctions, offer to go get the sacrificial goat in order to appease the Xerox Gods.

Fake a unhealthy interest in obscure hobbies around the water cooler. Pretending to be a Dungeons and Dragons aficionado, or a professional bear-baiter will make you very popular.

Link together paper clips until you have a nice sized strand. Tape them to a pencil. Then attach a food-stuff to the other end. Enjoy office fishing.

2 bottles of Red Day #5 in the Water cooler = Blood Red Water

Every time you get into a elevator, turn to the person next you and say "Have you accepted me as your personal savior yet?"