Mara's Mindless Babble
UNFORESEEN SPEEDBUMPS
Ok, so here's the story.....
I'm driving down my friggin DIRT ROAD, in the FOG, minding my own GOD DAMN business when I see movement to my left....... it's large, ghostly, and coming at a pretty good clip.
Slowing down to a stop so as not to spook a sweet little deer or other BEAUTIFUL CREATURE OF NATURE.... I damn near come to a stop as I get a good look at it.....
Any guesses? ANY THOUGHTS AS TO WHAT IT WAS????
A BICYCLIST.... A Fecking helmet headed, spandex sporting, nutcup wearing BICYCLIST.
The friggin idiot was bicycling down a dirt road, in the fog, wearing silver/gray and white biker shorts, shirt and a helmet. I was so friggin mad.
You see, I'm assaulted daily by these damn blights to society, peddling at 10-15 miles an hour, 3 across on 4 of the semi-rural roads I drive to get home. Mind you the speed limit for vehicles is 50 freakin miles per hour!!!!! I cannot even count the number of times I wished I had a pickle jar to hurl out the friggin window into one of their spokes and watch them fall like dominos......and I cannot tell you the satisfaction I get out of witnessing a cleverly executed swerve and the large dust cloud that results!
And trust me..... I am REAL sorry if some of you sweeties are avid bicycle enthusiasts - BUT - a line has to be drawn somewhere. As far as I'm concerned, bicyclists belong in metroparks. If it doesn't have a motor - it shouldn't be on the road. MOREOVER.... if you are going to bicycle your little butt on the road the speed limit should apply to ALL vehicles. Yeah hah hah BUDDY.... if your little legs can't pump that Huffy up to 50 mph..... you should be cited a traffic violation for impeding traffic. Why the FUCK not! Cars are!!! If a motorist is going 25 mph in a 50 mph zone the police are required to cite that motorist with a violation for impeding traffic..... however, if a row of bicyclists or even a SINGLE bicyclist is going 10 miles an hour, uphill, on a 50 mph road and holding up a line of 8-12 cars he DOESN'T get a ticket... Yeah - THAT'S BULLSHIT!
Blah....it makes my blood boil. And every now and then I'll give the horn a good old honk.... yup... and inevitably I'm flipped off. Tellin you what... when that happens I want to jump out the window, tackle the little bastard and take his friggin flip-off finger as a prize!
I don't get it.... what's the draw??? Is it the feeling of power they get knowing that EVERYONE has to wait for THEM??? That THEY'RE the leader of the pack??? Truly, it's nothing that a Polo mallet and a little Prozac probably couldn't fix. ::sigh::
Anyway, I'm here to tell them now. Stay away from my house, stay away from my road, and stay away from my car...............................especially on the 28th day of the month.
********
For all my friends that ride bikes - yeah, I still love ya.... but your bike tires might be flat tomorrow ::wink::
::smooches::
Mara
Ok, so here's the story.....
I'm driving down my friggin DIRT ROAD, in the FOG, minding my own GOD DAMN business when I see movement to my left....... it's large, ghostly, and coming at a pretty good clip.
Slowing down to a stop so as not to spook a sweet little deer or other BEAUTIFUL CREATURE OF NATURE.... I damn near come to a stop as I get a good look at it.....
Any guesses? ANY THOUGHTS AS TO WHAT IT WAS????
A BICYCLIST.... A Fecking helmet headed, spandex sporting, nutcup wearing BICYCLIST.
The friggin idiot was bicycling down a dirt road, in the fog, wearing silver/gray and white biker shorts, shirt and a helmet. I was so friggin mad.
You see, I'm assaulted daily by these damn blights to society, peddling at 10-15 miles an hour, 3 across on 4 of the semi-rural roads I drive to get home. Mind you the speed limit for vehicles is 50 freakin miles per hour!!!!! I cannot even count the number of times I wished I had a pickle jar to hurl out the friggin window into one of their spokes and watch them fall like dominos......and I cannot tell you the satisfaction I get out of witnessing a cleverly executed swerve and the large dust cloud that results!
And trust me..... I am REAL sorry if some of you sweeties are avid bicycle enthusiasts - BUT - a line has to be drawn somewhere. As far as I'm concerned, bicyclists belong in metroparks. If it doesn't have a motor - it shouldn't be on the road. MOREOVER.... if you are going to bicycle your little butt on the road the speed limit should apply to ALL vehicles. Yeah hah hah BUDDY.... if your little legs can't pump that Huffy up to 50 mph..... you should be cited a traffic violation for impeding traffic. Why the FUCK not! Cars are!!! If a motorist is going 25 mph in a 50 mph zone the police are required to cite that motorist with a violation for impeding traffic..... however, if a row of bicyclists or even a SINGLE bicyclist is going 10 miles an hour, uphill, on a 50 mph road and holding up a line of 8-12 cars he DOESN'T get a ticket... Yeah - THAT'S BULLSHIT!
Blah....it makes my blood boil. And every now and then I'll give the horn a good old honk.... yup... and inevitably I'm flipped off. Tellin you what... when that happens I want to jump out the window, tackle the little bastard and take his friggin flip-off finger as a prize!
I don't get it.... what's the draw??? Is it the feeling of power they get knowing that EVERYONE has to wait for THEM??? That THEY'RE the leader of the pack??? Truly, it's nothing that a Polo mallet and a little Prozac probably couldn't fix. ::sigh::
Anyway, I'm here to tell them now. Stay away from my house, stay away from my road, and stay away from my car...............................especially on the 28th day of the month.
********
For all my friends that ride bikes - yeah, I still love ya.... but your bike tires might be flat tomorrow ::wink::
::smooches::
Mara
posted by Mara @ 11:03 AM
12 comments
