DAMN ASS FRIGGIN PHOBIAS!Ok... so my friend
buffledog babe said that I should blog about my flippin 'touchy feely' phobia.
Apparently Buffledog Babe hasn't been sleeping all that well lately and decided to subject himself to some torture...er... a uh sleep study.
Yeah - Mara's had a friggin sleep study - talk about a TOTAL FAILURE!!! Word to the wise... sleep studies are not for those with touch phobias or those with any sort of social phobias (ie: phobias of being watched)
First of all I can't STAND strangers touching me. It's creepy. I have to know someone on SOME level before I can even attempt to ALLOW them to touch me. Secondly, I hate the feeling that I'm being watched. If I'm being watched I better be able to friggin see the rat bastard that's watching me. I HATE being watched unaware.... and the whole knowing that I'm being watched just not being able to see what pox-marked-jackoff is watching me is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE AND DISTURBING.
On that note, I also don't like to be alone at night in a room with a strange man that I don't know.... apparently men like the night shift at the Ann Arbor area sleep study facility because when I asked for a woman nurse you would have thought I had asked for the god damned WORLD!
"No Miss Mara, there is not a female on staff that can assist you..... blah blah blah blah..."
Yeah right asshole. Save your breath. You'll need it for your blow up date you got back there!
So ANYWAY....
I threw a big enough fit that they found a female nurse to hook me up to everything. I'm sitting in the bed staring at the walls as the paranoia closes in around me. Then the VOICE FROM BEYOND (aka - jackoff in the back) came over an INTERCOM!!! And this guy tells me to try and relax... Relax? FUGGIN RELAX!!!!! How does he know that I'm not perfectly relaxed unless he can TOTALLY SEE ME IN LIVING COLOR UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL.
So I start looking for the cameras.... I'm really paranoid at this point.... starting to hyperventilate.... feeling dizzy... oh yeah the works.
A nurse (male of course) knocks on the door and comes in to check the monitors stating that they are getting some irregular heart activity... well no friggin shit you waterhead suck navel!! I'm paranoid as hell here with you and your little numb-nut friend back there watching me. I could give a devil's fart that your damn machines are giving you wacky readings!!!
So this dude looks at me and SUGGESTS that I may want to get a little more comfortable and try to get some sleep...
oh yeah... more comfortable... pervert.
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable asshole - like a COMA!
THEN... IF IT WASN'T ALREADY ENOUGH OF A TRAGEDY..... I HAVE TO PEE!
Now understand...... I don't pee in front of ANYONE. I even make sure there is nobody in the adjoining room before I go potty.
So, IMAGINE MY HORROR... when I have to go to the bathroom and I know that all eyes are ON ME. I damn near had a friggin heart attack.
They finally ended up calling my emergency contact, Tango, to come and get me. He just shook his head and smiled. He knew I'd never be able to go through with it.
His remedy for my sleepless nights??? More sex. LOL.... oddly enough.... it works.
::smooches::
Mara
Mara's Mindless Babble
