I'LL HAVE AN ORDER OF FRIENDS......
HOLD THE SISSY CRAP

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.>
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

These are the vows of a true friend - no sissy shit.

Always remember........
Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

LMAO!

::smooches::
Mara

Fad Diets and my Favorite Store (NOT - see this post WalMart Idiots )


I have a Belgian Sheepdog and a Jack Russel Terrier, and was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart. Lugging the friggin 40 lb bag up to the counter because I refuse to get a cart for just one item (the bags nearly as big as I am!) I finally make it up to the check out line. I have to say... whatever redonk IDIOT decided to put the pet food at the back of the store should be taken out and SHOT at dawn.... on second thought - if he's a man maybe we should just strip him down and tie him to a post in my neighbors field full of weaning calves... (ok.. that was wrong on too many levels to count).... ANYWAY!

While waiting in line to be checked out the woman behind me asked if I had a dog? (Raise of the eyebrows).... is this some sort of test?? That's like one of those bad redneck jokes... what the hell!! She appeared sane, emotionally balanced, drug-free and NOT EVEN BLOND!! So what the hell is up with that question!

On impulse, I told her,
"Nope, I'm starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time. But I lost 50 pounds before I woke up in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms." {Dramatic sigh}

Now friends - at this point one would think that the woman would take one look at me and realize that there's NO WAY I could lose, or even need to lose, another 50 pounds and survive!!! But she just stared at me wide eyed believing every friggin word!!!

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants and pockets and purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. And just think of the money that you're saving on groceries!!! What a bonus especially with the cost of gas!

..........I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now
enthralled with my story, in particular the tall hot guy with the cowboy hat who was standing
behind her........

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

That's when I said with all sincerity, "No, I was sitting in the street licking my non-existent balls when I was hit by a truck"

I thought the guy standing behind her was going to have to have help as he burst out laughing and staggered to the door.

LOL..... I couldn't resist.

::smooches::
Mara