Beautiful Minds....

People drift in and out of our lives like leaves in the fall. Some stay forever and some stop while just passing through.

In tribute to friends both old, new, and just passing through..... check out these bloggers - my friends.. different yet the same in that they are all .... truly beautiful minds.

www.killthecrap.blogspot.com
www.davidshomework.blogspot.com
www.damnthebandersnatch.blogspot.com

Short but sweet today

::smooches::
Mara

Dreaded Bedroom Queries

Last night I was in somewhat of a melancholy mood and decided to pop in a favorite movie, kick back and do the brain buzz thing for a while. Said movie happened to be 'Dirty Dancing' (a personal sexy,sappy, favorite). Anyhow, there's a scene in the movie where 'Baby' and 'Johnny' are in the afterglow of a rainy day tryst when she asks "How many women have you had"...

"How many women have you had"........

Some things are fecking better left unsaid. WTF kind of question is that? Or better yet... do you really want to KNOW how many women he's had?? I mean like what if he said... "Oh hell Baby, I don't know.... a hundred or so?" I mean how are you really going to feel? What a stupid ass question!

So I started really thinking about it .... the more I thought the more I realized we all say really STUPID.... and I mean STUPID... things in the aftermath of a good romp.

I especially love the whole simpering "Do you love me?" question that pops out.... LOL... the answer to that is... if there's a ring on your finger.. he/she does or he/she wouldn't listen to your annoying bitching day in and day out and still come home to bust one out with you. ::laughing:: if there's no ring.. just be friggin happy you got LAID ::damn some people are hard to please::

HOWEVER... my all time favorite has to be the.... "How do I compare" OOOOOOHhh Paaahhhhleeeeaaase.... LMAO. I won't lie for anyone... Unless you're prepared for an ugly truth my friends.. never ask this question. Because the truth is... you want the lie. What does a girl say to something like that? "Well babe, it was like throwin a hot dog down a hallway" "It was like giving a tic-tac to a whale"?? No gentlemen ::smirk:: never-ever-ever ask this question.

So anyhow I guess the point of this whole blog is... um.... ::searching::

Patrick Swayze dances the mambo better than Ricky Martin ANYDAY..

::shrug:: it was 2:00 in the morning people

::smooches::
Mara

Closet Freak Ramblings

HAPPY FRIDAY FRIENDS!!! ::smooches:: love you all.

I went to a 'Romantic Interludes' party last night... LOL... I don't know why they don't just call it for what it is, a 'Sex-Toy Party' or my personal favorite... 'Fuckerware'.

Anyway, it was truly a sad state of affairs.. there was this prude of a consultant.. I felt bad for her. Everytime she would show something, she would read a little scripted joke of an index card and the room would fall silent..

Example:

"Ok Ladies.. this one is called Mr. Dependable. Please note he has a suction cup on the bottom.. ::reads from the card:: so now you'll get better mileage from your washing machine???? WTF was that? a joke? Everyone just sat there... so in the embarrassing silence I piped up and said.. "Yeah, that suction cup is great! You just lick it, stick it, drop and ROCK!!" Everybody died laughing ::sigh::

So the party wound to a close and before I knew it I had a line of women doing 'pre-consultations' with me before they went in to make their purchases... "What does this do? What one's the best for?... yadda yadda yadda. So I was a sex consultant for a night LOL.

I was the last person to go in to the little room and make my order. I had previously gone through the catalog while waiting for the other women to finish and checked off everything I already had - didn't exactly realize what a freak I actually was until I was forced to take a quick inventory LMAO. I think I actually frightened the prudish consultant with some of my questions - which she of course couldn't answer.

Well I walked away with a few new things.... lol and some updates for old things, as well as a new realization for my personal life which is....

DAYUM... I'M A BEDROOM FREAK. ::sigh::

::adjusts her halo::

::smooches::
Mara

Fecking 'I Can Do It' Syndrome

Can I just scream right now and get it over with? Someone just smother me with a pillow or shoot me in the damn head. I'm so friggin frustrated!! Why oh why does everything in my insipid little life have to be such a great tragedy!

Picture it... Walmart... this afternoon..... on my lunch hour (operative word being 'hour'). I went back into the crafty-shit section thinking I would exercise my creative bone and re-upholster an ottoman in my livingroom. Not a hard thing to do! I got what I wanted.. some neato fabric and cool looking trim crap and went up to the counter... that was at 12:47. Some lard-ass woman having hot flashes every 2 seconds finally gets around to cutting what I needed...12:55. She goes to enter it into her 'magical electronic scanner thingie' and gets a red light and ominous BEEP! DAMNIT! Well she tries a couple more times before calling on her 'keystone cop partner' miss 'I just fell off the boat and speak very little english'...grrrr 1:00. At this point I say.. nevermind ladies ::smile:: I'll just pass on the trim and take the fabric. To which I'm told it will only take a second to put the item into the system. FINE! So 'lard-ass' starts talking with 'speak-no-english'... "Do I look like I have fur all over me?" she says!!!! WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF!!!! I don't care if you have fur all over your body and are auditioning for a leading role in fecking GORILLAS IN THE MIST!!! 1:05... Well finally they get the stupid thing to scan the item - (the bar code was damaged and they weren't entering the full number all this time).. 1:11... I have to be back to work at 1:30. I hustle up to the front (still not having eaten lunch yet) only to find THREE FRIGGIN CASHIERS AND ONE EXPRESS LANE WITH A LINE A MILE FRIGGIN LONG..AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH.
I stomped up to the customer service desk and said 'POLITELY' to the cashier.. "I'm sorry, there was a problem at the cutting counter that took an exhorbiant amount of time and I'm unable to purchase this at this time as I cannot wait in line and have to get back to work.. may I please hold this until 6 this evening?"

(dramatic pause........................)

SHE DIDN'T FRIGGIN SPEAK ENGLISH EITHER!!! 1:16.....I'm ready to kill someone here. She couldn't figure out what I wanted. She kept saying "You wee-turn? You wee-turn?". Finally I just left it there and walked out. I've heard of equal opportunity employers but this is friggin ridiculous.. get a FLIPPIN GREEN CARD OR HOOKED ON PHONICS...SOMETHING!!!!

I hate Walmart.

::smooches::
Mara

Underwear Greetings and Social Faux Pas

Among the many other grand, wondrous and utterly meaningless things I did this past weekend, I had the heating and cooling guy come and clean out the duct work for the furnace.

He arrived at promptly 10:00 a.m. on Saturday. Real nice guy - clean, organized, polite... but he kept looking at me as if I had grown a third eye or something. I was baffled. As he headed down to the basement I went into the bathroom to give myself a once over. Looking in the mirror I turned right then left then leaned in for a close up... nope nothing.. Huh?

He came up once to get something from his van and I stopped him on his way back in with a "Did you forget something?" and the most charming smile I could muster. That only seemed to increase his agitation. Well hells bells Ethel!! What the feck was going on with the dude!

15 minutes later he came back upstairs, had me sign off on the work order and said they would be mailing me an invoice.... He couldn't even look me in the eye. Well DAMN! Curiosity got the best of me (I'm a pretty forward person) and I said, "Sir, Bill?" (sorry for the commentary if you ever read this serviceman Bill - but it's a story worth sharing). "Bill" I said, "is there something wrong with me? You've been acting like I'm growing a third eye out my forehead ever since you got here". Well, he shuffled around for a good thirty seconds and turned about 14 shades of red but I wasn't about to let the subject drop. After prompting with another pointed "WELL?" he finally dropped the bomb. "Well," said Bill "you don't have any pants on"... he was mortified. I just looked down and looked back up not quite understanding where the problem was. Bill left - I wasn't going to torture the poor fellow any longer. I did offer him a cold soda to which he promptly refused - wonder if he thought I had underwear cooties or something??

So here's the deal. I like being comfortable in my own home. My general attire is boyshort panties or underoos (thank you Cameron Diaz for the fabulous fashion tip) and a little tank top - especially in the summer. I'll wander around outside in them, water the flowers, get the mail... whatever. What's so wrong with that?? A bathing suit is more revealing so I'm failing to see the extreme social faux pas here people! Sure I put on more to go to the mall or the grocery... but hey... I put on less to go to the beach.. so wtf?

::laughs again:: I wonder what Bill would have done if I were wearing the pink ones that said 'BOOTYLICIOUS' on the back?

::smooches you fabulous people::
Mara